Tag Archives: physical cheating

Don’t Be Victim of Financial Cheating

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Many changes on social and financial fronts have been occurring over few decade, yet when it comes to relationship, importance is only highlighted in physical and emotional cheating.  There is new frontier emerging in a relationship- less talked about and harder to spot- financial infidelity.  In essence, your partner is financially unfaithful- hiding purchases, hiding bank account, hiding cash, having credit card(s) which you know nothing about. (See Is Emotional Cheating Worse Than Physical Cheating?)

Impact of physical and emotional cheating can have lasting impact but can be overcome.  You have option of getting over and improvise for better tomorrows that lie ahead.  But financial cheating can have bearing on your financial aspect of your life which is likely to linger for a long term.  It could ruin your credit thus potentially harmful to get loans or a new job in the future.  Your financial security may   totally disappear.

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According to recent survey in Smart Money, the number of people who are financially unfaithful is on the rise. Among those couples who have ever combined finances, two in five (42 percent) have committed some sort of financial deception.  Among those who have committed financial deception, and/or whose partner did, 75 percent said the financial deceptions affected their current or past relationships, with over a quarter (28 percent) saying it caused less trust in the relationship.  About 32 percent of the survey recipients preferred some aspects of their finances remained private from their partner.

Ironically, money is number one stress factor and yet financial infidelity usually goes unnoticed. Eventually the unassuming partner finds out a bank statement, a questionable purchase, or the like.

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In a two-income family, it is likely that one (or both) partner want to use the money without being questioned. Not only does partner(s) set money aside secretly, but often they hide the fact the money exists at all. It may seem harmless at the inception of the relationship.  But it is a sign of financial infidelity- it's the secrecy that really harms the relationship.
Most people do not consider financial state important part of their relationship.  The good foundation of relationship is possible if both partners establish financial boundaries and expectations.

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Being open and honest about your finances doesn't mean you have to pool every penny earned, or consult each other on every purchase made, though.  There are many ways couple can maintain financial harmony.  When it comes to money, people tend to be territorial. In the long run, it is never a good idea to comingle funds.  In a practical world, the financial existence of one partner need not be dependent on another because one never knows what can happen in the future.

Simply, to retain harmony and independence it is best to each one has separate account and one joint account for family related expenses.  It is recognizing that both partners are dependent on one another and yet independent on their own.  It is a concept not fully utilized- Intra-dependent.

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Is emotional cheating worse than physical cheating?

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It depends on who you ask. Men will likely to provide different answer than women. From a practical point of view the answer is simple. Cheating is cheating. Then nothing is simple in life.

For men physical cheating is more painful than emotional cheating because men relate to everything in a physical way first. Men can envision it- partner seeking comfort or escape in the arms of another. Men can’t grasp emotional cheating since men relate to everything to physical possessions.

For women, sexual indiscretion is not significant because in their mind when their partner has an emotional affair, the partner has already given up in their relationship. Women tend to equate the emotional bonding to love for each other. For women, forgiving and forgetting isn't an option when their partner has emotionally cheated. Women’s perception is that when partner doesn't want to be forgiven — they want out.

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There is no question that emotional bonding may not begin with only satisfying physical gratification. It means you and your partner are at loss when you are not together. You long for your partner’s arrival or presence. It may have begun as friendship which gradually leads affairs of heart- which aren’t always physical but deep emotional bonding.

How you detect emotional bonding, you ask.

It is fair to say, that most friendship is likely to begin at your job or places you frequently visit- such as health club or bar. You are spending time with the friend too often. When you are not with your partner, you can’t wait until the next time you see each other. You can’t contain your inner inklings for your friend. You are pondering how it is to spend time with your friend. When something great happens in your life, you would prefer to share with the friend than your partner. When you are hiding your friendship from your partner then it is very likely an indication of your emotional involvement with your friend. Eventually, you will be ranting about your partner to the friend which can create an opening for emotional infidelity. What is even worse is that if you're wondering if you're having an emotional affair, you've probably already crossed the line.

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Having feelings for another person does not make you a bad person. Sometimes, you can’t control your feelings, but you CAN control your actions. It is possible that you may wonder how your friend will feel if you opt to end the encounter. It does not matter because you need to ensure your partner is not affected by you.

In summary, men equate love to physical possession whereas women equate love to emotional possession. In the long run, emotional scars are likely to stay with you and affect your emotional state. Indeed, not pleasant nor worth it.

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